I got to Cara’s at about 7 or 8 pm. Jalen was not impressed. Lol. Blame it on BH and our cuddle session. But HOW could I say no? It was worth every minute.
I arrived there to find her and her friend Rob listening to remix CD’s that he had made for her. He is a cop and part time DJ at the local bar. The remix CD’s were totally vibing with my steroid high. I was nearly dancing in my seat, and VERY hyper. I was talking a mile a minute and they both had the biggest eyes looking at me, thinking that “This girl is NUTS!” Cara was really worried, and asked me,”Oh, God, you are gonna keep me up ALL night long, aren’t you?” I said, “Don’t worry; they gave me Ativan to bring me down again before bed. I’m all set.”
I kept asking Rob to get me a pair of official police handcuffs, with keys, to go along with my naughty police officer outfit. He was laughing, thinking I was joking. I was so not joking.
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Friday 3 June 2011
Chemo Session # 2 (from my journal - Sept 30, 2010)
I went to my second chemo session alone. I told my mother that I am totally capable of doing it myself. I actually prefer doing things alone. I’ve always been kind of a loner. I dressed for the occasion as well. I wore my black leather pirate boots. They zip almost up to the knee, with buckles on the sides, and lined in leopard print! I also wore my tight black jeans, a black off the shoulder top, and my black leather riding jacket. I looked sooo badass and like Dark Angel. I decided that I am gonna kick chemo’s ass, and not the other way around!
So, here I am, sitting in my lazyboy chair, letting the nurse hook my PICC line up to the IV tubes for my treatment, and looking damn good for someone on chemo. I’m going to call myself ChemoGirl, because I am damn ChemoSexy! I told the nurse that I am loving the steroids, since they made me so high on life, that I couldn’t stop dancing around the house, and am so in love with life! She laughed and said that if you aren’t used to steroids, they can be quite the high. She brought me my steroids (5 of them, boys I will be flying tonight!), and anti-nauseants, saying, “Enjoy your steroids!” with a laugh. The nurse told me that I probably won’t have another period for the duration of my treatments. I said, “This keeps getting better and better! I might stay on chemo forever! I haven’t had to shave my legs or underarms in a few weeks now, I have awesome looking hair, and that I’m fitting jeans that haven’t fit me in over 3 years! I love this!” I told her I am going to get a t-shirt that says “I heart My Chemo” because of all the side effects that I have so far! She just said, “That’s great how you are looking at the positive side of things!” and laughed.
While I am sitting in the chair with the chemo cocktail running through my veins, I got a text message from none other than Beautiful Hotness. What a surprise! I thought BH had totally forgotten about me since our encounter almost a month ago.
Beautiful Hotness is so-called by me because BH is made up of a physical beauty that is near perfection and almost painful to look at. Perfect beautifully featured face, great hair, and totally chiselled rock hard bod. The kind of beauty that almost seems unfair when compared with mere mortals. The amazing thing is that BH thinks I am hot and sexy! It somehow seems impossible, but hey, I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. There are times when the fates bless us, and fate has blessed me with a few amazingly passionate encounters with this Beautiful Hotness.
BH texted me to let me know they were in town for the afternoon and would love to come see me for some cuddles before heading back home. Awwwww. How could I say no to that? I mean, really, I can’t say no to anything THAT beautiful. Add the fact that BH is a total sweetheart and a softie, there was no way I could refuse. BH and I traded texts for a few hours while the chemo ran its course, talking about how much we could not wait to see each other later in the afternoon for our cuddle session. I was sitting in the chemo room with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face. What a great day!
BH arrived at my place at about 5 pm. We ate pizza, then went upstairs to my room for our cuddles. It was so sweet. Turns out BH was headed on a trip, and came over to see me before leaving on vacation. I thought that was really cute.
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So, here I am, sitting in my lazyboy chair, letting the nurse hook my PICC line up to the IV tubes for my treatment, and looking damn good for someone on chemo. I’m going to call myself ChemoGirl, because I am damn ChemoSexy! I told the nurse that I am loving the steroids, since they made me so high on life, that I couldn’t stop dancing around the house, and am so in love with life! She laughed and said that if you aren’t used to steroids, they can be quite the high. She brought me my steroids (5 of them, boys I will be flying tonight!), and anti-nauseants, saying, “Enjoy your steroids!” with a laugh. The nurse told me that I probably won’t have another period for the duration of my treatments. I said, “This keeps getting better and better! I might stay on chemo forever! I haven’t had to shave my legs or underarms in a few weeks now, I have awesome looking hair, and that I’m fitting jeans that haven’t fit me in over 3 years! I love this!” I told her I am going to get a t-shirt that says “I heart My Chemo” because of all the side effects that I have so far! She just said, “That’s great how you are looking at the positive side of things!” and laughed.
While I am sitting in the chair with the chemo cocktail running through my veins, I got a text message from none other than Beautiful Hotness. What a surprise! I thought BH had totally forgotten about me since our encounter almost a month ago.
Beautiful Hotness is so-called by me because BH is made up of a physical beauty that is near perfection and almost painful to look at. Perfect beautifully featured face, great hair, and totally chiselled rock hard bod. The kind of beauty that almost seems unfair when compared with mere mortals. The amazing thing is that BH thinks I am hot and sexy! It somehow seems impossible, but hey, I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. There are times when the fates bless us, and fate has blessed me with a few amazingly passionate encounters with this Beautiful Hotness.
BH texted me to let me know they were in town for the afternoon and would love to come see me for some cuddles before heading back home. Awwwww. How could I say no to that? I mean, really, I can’t say no to anything THAT beautiful. Add the fact that BH is a total sweetheart and a softie, there was no way I could refuse. BH and I traded texts for a few hours while the chemo ran its course, talking about how much we could not wait to see each other later in the afternoon for our cuddle session. I was sitting in the chemo room with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face. What a great day!
BH arrived at my place at about 5 pm. We ate pizza, then went upstairs to my room for our cuddles. It was so sweet. Turns out BH was headed on a trip, and came over to see me before leaving on vacation. I thought that was really cute.
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Thursday 2 June 2011
Look Good, Feel Better (from my journal - Sept 29, 2010)
“There’s more than one dimension/
I can fool you and/ attract attention/...
But I want to be the real thing/
But if you catch my eyes can’t be authentic/...
My makeup’s all off/
Who am I?”
Magic’s in the Makeup by No Doubt
I am a makeup girl. A girlie girl. My makeup is my safety blanket. I do not like leaving the house, or even beginning my day, without it. The whole process of applying it in the morning is like a ritual that strengthens me for the day ahead.
After my morning shower, I like to get in the front of the mirror, and begin the ritual. I stand there with my bald little alien head and take inventory. Any new wrinkles? No, good. Any blemishes? A few, so let’s cover those up, after we apply the lotion.
Ok, applying cover up. I apply this under my eyes and on my eyelids. I make sure to cover my two little stork bites, one on each cheek. They never get completely covered though. Next: my foundation. I put it onto a sponge, and dab it all over my face. Then I go crazy with the loose powder puff. After my face is suitably matte, I might apply some blush to the apples of my cheeks. Then I apply numerous coats of mascara to my lashes, both upper and lower. After chemo, I swear I am getting eyelash extensions. They haven’t fallen out (YET, knock on wood), but I really want impossibly long and fake looking lashes without the hassle of mascara. Also, this way, guys will think that they are naturally this long and lush! Anyway, after the mascara, I work on my eye shadow. I apply a shimmery shade of light beige to the entire lid, then a musky shade of brown to the lid and crease. I finish it off with a shimmery dusting of pink sparkle to the entire lid. Lightly fill in my brows. Then apply dark espresso brown liner to my bottom lash line, and line the upper lid pinup Betty Page style with dark brown-black liquid liner. I finish it off with shimmery glossy lips. Now, I am ready to face my day!
Oh, wait! Almost forgot to put on my wig! Ha ha. Now, that would be a sight wouldn’t it? Totally made up face, and a funny little bald alien head wearing just a wig cap. I almost have a cone head. Ok, wig is on, and NOW I am ready to face my day.
Look Good, Feel Better is a free program offered to women with cancer. They provide you with a complimentary makeup kit, and teach you how to apply make up and take care of your skin during chemotherapy. It’s a great program, and all funded by donations.
I arrive at the hospital, and take my seat in the conference room. There are about 12 women attending. Each participant has a lady from LGFB to sit with her and help go through the application process.
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I can fool you and/ attract attention/...
But I want to be the real thing/
But if you catch my eyes can’t be authentic/...
My makeup’s all off/
Who am I?”
Magic’s in the Makeup by No Doubt
I am a makeup girl. A girlie girl. My makeup is my safety blanket. I do not like leaving the house, or even beginning my day, without it. The whole process of applying it in the morning is like a ritual that strengthens me for the day ahead.
After my morning shower, I like to get in the front of the mirror, and begin the ritual. I stand there with my bald little alien head and take inventory. Any new wrinkles? No, good. Any blemishes? A few, so let’s cover those up, after we apply the lotion.
Ok, applying cover up. I apply this under my eyes and on my eyelids. I make sure to cover my two little stork bites, one on each cheek. They never get completely covered though. Next: my foundation. I put it onto a sponge, and dab it all over my face. Then I go crazy with the loose powder puff. After my face is suitably matte, I might apply some blush to the apples of my cheeks. Then I apply numerous coats of mascara to my lashes, both upper and lower. After chemo, I swear I am getting eyelash extensions. They haven’t fallen out (YET, knock on wood), but I really want impossibly long and fake looking lashes without the hassle of mascara. Also, this way, guys will think that they are naturally this long and lush! Anyway, after the mascara, I work on my eye shadow. I apply a shimmery shade of light beige to the entire lid, then a musky shade of brown to the lid and crease. I finish it off with a shimmery dusting of pink sparkle to the entire lid. Lightly fill in my brows. Then apply dark espresso brown liner to my bottom lash line, and line the upper lid pinup Betty Page style with dark brown-black liquid liner. I finish it off with shimmery glossy lips. Now, I am ready to face my day!
Oh, wait! Almost forgot to put on my wig! Ha ha. Now, that would be a sight wouldn’t it? Totally made up face, and a funny little bald alien head wearing just a wig cap. I almost have a cone head. Ok, wig is on, and NOW I am ready to face my day.
Look Good, Feel Better is a free program offered to women with cancer. They provide you with a complimentary makeup kit, and teach you how to apply make up and take care of your skin during chemotherapy. It’s a great program, and all funded by donations.
I arrive at the hospital, and take my seat in the conference room. There are about 12 women attending. Each participant has a lady from LGFB to sit with her and help go through the application process.
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Chemo Session # 1 (Sept 9, 2010)
My mother came with me to my first chemotherapy session. She mostly wanted to come for emotional support, even though she knew I was ok with the chemo. I think I was her emotional support. She also thought I would get ill immediately afterwards, which did not happen.
The room is lined with leather Lazy Boy chairs, 16 in all. They are lined up against the walls of the treatment room. I take my seat in one of the chairs, recline, and get comfortable. The nurse comes and hooks an IV to my PICC line. My mother is sitting in a small chair beside me, having coffee and snacks.
Before we begin, the nurse gives me 5 of one type of pill called _ and one pill called _. These are to prevent the side effects of the chemotherapy from becoming too severe. I take the pills with a glass of water and wait until it’s time to put the chemo cocktail into my tubes. Volunteers come by, offering us juices and snacks.
There are three different drugs that make up my first chemotherapy session. One of them is made up of two huge syringes of bright red drugs. The nurse tells me that this is the chemo drug that makes you lose your hair. It’s quite strong and designed to kill all fast acting cells. That is how it attacks the cancer. It also attacks your white blood cells, as well as your mouth lining and your hair, which are fast acting. She slowly pumps these syringes into my PICC line. It takes over half an hour to get the two syringes in.
The other two chemo drugs are in small bags that are hooked into the IV and just drip through. These get hooked up to my IV one at a time, and I sit there waiting for them to enter my system. I decide to lie back in the recliner and just nap a bit, which is hard with my mother there talking to me.
After chemo is done, we come home, and my mom decides to head back to her place for the night, since I’m not showing any signs of sickness.
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The room is lined with leather Lazy Boy chairs, 16 in all. They are lined up against the walls of the treatment room. I take my seat in one of the chairs, recline, and get comfortable. The nurse comes and hooks an IV to my PICC line. My mother is sitting in a small chair beside me, having coffee and snacks.
Before we begin, the nurse gives me 5 of one type of pill called _ and one pill called _. These are to prevent the side effects of the chemotherapy from becoming too severe. I take the pills with a glass of water and wait until it’s time to put the chemo cocktail into my tubes. Volunteers come by, offering us juices and snacks.
There are three different drugs that make up my first chemotherapy session. One of them is made up of two huge syringes of bright red drugs. The nurse tells me that this is the chemo drug that makes you lose your hair. It’s quite strong and designed to kill all fast acting cells. That is how it attacks the cancer. It also attacks your white blood cells, as well as your mouth lining and your hair, which are fast acting. She slowly pumps these syringes into my PICC line. It takes over half an hour to get the two syringes in.
The other two chemo drugs are in small bags that are hooked into the IV and just drip through. These get hooked up to my IV one at a time, and I sit there waiting for them to enter my system. I decide to lie back in the recliner and just nap a bit, which is hard with my mother there talking to me.
After chemo is done, we come home, and my mom decides to head back to her place for the night, since I’m not showing any signs of sickness.
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PICC Insertion (Sept 8 2010)
PICC Insertion, Sept 8, 2010
I go to the hospital in the morning, and am taken to the X-ray department for my PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) insertion. Once there, I put on a hospital Johnny shirt, and lie on a stretcher. Two girls wheel me into an operation room, with a huge ultrasound monitor above the table.
I notice that neither of these girls is wearing any makeup. It must be some type of hospital rule. However, one of the girls has the most impossibly long eyelashes. I ask her what type of mascara she uses, and she tells me that they are eyelash extensions. She had them put on at the aesthetic salon. They last for months. Note to self: once done chemo, get eyelash extensions. So hot.
I’m on the stretcher, and they place my arms out in the crucifixion pose. The nurses, surgeon, and I all wear protective masks. They place an IV into my upper right arm, and give me a local anaesthetic. The surgeon begins to thread a long blue line through the vein in my arm, weaving it in until it reaches the artery near my heart. She showed me the ultrasound, and I could see the end of the PICC line, there above my heart, nestled onscreen between the underwires of my bra.
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I go to the hospital in the morning, and am taken to the X-ray department for my PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) insertion. Once there, I put on a hospital Johnny shirt, and lie on a stretcher. Two girls wheel me into an operation room, with a huge ultrasound monitor above the table.
I notice that neither of these girls is wearing any makeup. It must be some type of hospital rule. However, one of the girls has the most impossibly long eyelashes. I ask her what type of mascara she uses, and she tells me that they are eyelash extensions. She had them put on at the aesthetic salon. They last for months. Note to self: once done chemo, get eyelash extensions. So hot.
I’m on the stretcher, and they place my arms out in the crucifixion pose. The nurses, surgeon, and I all wear protective masks. They place an IV into my upper right arm, and give me a local anaesthetic. The surgeon begins to thread a long blue line through the vein in my arm, weaving it in until it reaches the artery near my heart. She showed me the ultrasound, and I could see the end of the PICC line, there above my heart, nestled onscreen between the underwires of my bra.
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ChemoSexy - One girl's journey through chemotherapy and beyond
I have been a frightened child. I have been a spoiled brat. I have been abused. I have been a teenage mother. I have been a working mother. I have been a welfare mother. I have been depressed. I have been suicidal. What I was is not necessarily what I am now.
I am a cancer survivor. I am a fighter. I am a single mother. I am a sister, a daughter, an auntie, and a friend. I am the first university graduate in my family. I am bi-sexual. I am a military supporter. I am silly, goofy, introverted, exhibitionistic, on medication, and so many other things. I am breaking a pattern. Most of all I am hopeful.
Why should you read my journal on chemotherapy and life after breast cancer? I will give you a few reasons. First of all, if you have or have had cancer, I hope my journal will help you know what to expect, as well as maybe make you laugh and realize that it’s not all bad. Secondly, even if you don’t have cancer, I hope that my journal will show you that even when situations are tough, you can always choose to be tougher. Happiness is a choice, not a set of circumstances.
Sometimes the world we live in can suck, but life itself is always entirely awesome. Enjoy it!
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I am a cancer survivor. I am a fighter. I am a single mother. I am a sister, a daughter, an auntie, and a friend. I am the first university graduate in my family. I am bi-sexual. I am a military supporter. I am silly, goofy, introverted, exhibitionistic, on medication, and so many other things. I am breaking a pattern. Most of all I am hopeful.
Why should you read my journal on chemotherapy and life after breast cancer? I will give you a few reasons. First of all, if you have or have had cancer, I hope my journal will help you know what to expect, as well as maybe make you laugh and realize that it’s not all bad. Secondly, even if you don’t have cancer, I hope that my journal will show you that even when situations are tough, you can always choose to be tougher. Happiness is a choice, not a set of circumstances.
Sometimes the world we live in can suck, but life itself is always entirely awesome. Enjoy it!
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